I Would Peel My Skin Off, Just To Keep You Warm At Night.

It's hard to be someone's friend when you are watching them kill themself.

where is time leading you?

through...

...the void...

hello.

remember me? I was their.

when you ruined it all. you're still ruining it.

piling it up like garbage.

waste.

WASTE.

hello there. you in the bed. you look cold.

let. me. warm. you.

take my hand, and saturate yourself with my heat.
warm your soul in my skin.
take comfort in the knowledge that i care.

breathe in my friendship like oxygen. Open your lungs to me.
stop drowning.

...stop.

I'd tear out my lungs, just to keep you afloat.

clearing my mind, from the perspective of a skeptic

the human existence equals less than nothing.

we are just a spec.

a stray dog on the universe's city streets. Something making a way for itself, but ending up with nothing to call its own. traversing through time only to be overlooked and forgotten.

i say i love you. you who is my friend. you who is my brother. you is my sister. you who is my mother. you who is my father. you is my soul mate. you is my dirty secret. you who is my dog. you who is my wife. you who is my savior. you who is my enemy.

when we laugh together, i want you to know i love you. but its hard for us to admit it.

because we as a species dont know what love really is. we can't.

our brains are too small to fully comprehend it. maybe it's better that way.

if i knew how much i actually loved other people, i might explode.

so perhaps it remains to my advantage to live dancing the stray dog strutt. on a journey, completely oblivious.

when we smile at each other, we feel warm. maybe just a small spark of what true love really is. the love of a friend who would take a bullet for you.

but since we are ever-changing beings, we can't ever love another person. nor can we hate them. because once we commit an emotional association to someone, they have changed. and we are left loving or hating nothing more than an idea, a memory.

we can say that we have loved... but we can never love presently.

we'll all end up laughing in the face of love someday. because nobody's really there. nobody's real.

nobody.

we do not remain. we are fragile.

i knew you once. i called you my equal. i called you my brother. i called you my guilty pleasure. i called you my companion. i called you my friend.

but i am not your friend. i never have been.

I love you.

The Difference Between Love and A Cold War Is Measured By The Way You Look At Me.

Why is it that we smile at each other when something is wrong. And we frown when things are just fine? We say one thing, but desire another. this honesty that we're hiding, like ballistic missiles beneath our facades, is itching to be heard. to be felt.

...to...be...felt...

i wonder how long this will last? getting our fix from each other.

using each other like drugs. shooting up with this fake happiness.
we're blackening our spoons. the spoons holding our hearts.

melting them ... to carbon.

injecting each others smiles like heroine.

EUPHORIC

ahh...isn't that better?

only until... you. leave. the. room.

then we're both unsatisfied. both eaten away. both shaking for more. quivering in trauma.
both of us have our hands hovering over those big red buttons. ready to set this life ablaze. drowning it in the radioactivity of desire.

but we dont press down. we dont engage. instead we smile the smile of diplomacy. of civility. just for appearances sake.

we refrain. refrain. disconnect.

this love remains nothing but a cold war. until we make eye contact.

and. everything. we. want. to. say. becomes. transparent. and. alive.

alive.

and when i embrace you, no matter how brief, i feel your heart against mine. i begin to wonder whether or not this cold war romance is our reality, or just a painting. And every moment we see each other becomes just another brush stroke of turpentine.

to decay the colors of this fabrication.

Giving in to something you dont understand.

You can't fix them. You've lost this battle. Sometimes we just have to leave it all behind. Not to be forgotten, but to be accepted.

You see that road? It calls for you. And I know your heart calls back.

Shed this skin and keep transcending. I couldn't stop you, so why should anything or anyone else?

Enjoy the smiles. But don't soak up the tears. You can be the foundation, but you can't keep the structure from crumbling. You can only catch the debris. The remains. And for every piece that's chiseled away, a new angle of view is revealed.

Whether you need a hand to hold or not, just keep traveling. the longer you linger on the side of the road, the more time you have to regret. To wonder. to second guess. until time is gone, and you have no choice but to stay and lie in the grass. And soon to lie under it.

Thoughts from the Page

Just a small sketch I while waiting for class. It's inspired by the song Dear Child (I've been Dying to Reach You) by Anthony Green.

Organs

This is an ongoing mixed media study involving collage and nail polish on sheets of metal. The project as of this moment is untitled.